KV-100 AssBlaster (final "Brony" production of just 4 units)
From the Metasonix website....
The Metasonix KV-100 is not called the "Assblaster" for nothing. We've taken all of our knowledge of extreme vacuum-tube audio processing and combined it into a single convenient, easy-to-use package. Inevitably, the end of the TM series will cause shit-eating, ass-fisting guitar players to whine about how "underappreciated" they are. So, we're feeding them a foot-long fecal sandwich of audio penis.
It's complete with disgusting and juvenile cartoon art by Dave Lovelace, of Retarded Animal Babies fame.
The KV-100 contains the following:
--five goddamn real new-old-stock VACUUM TUBES.
--the basic preamp stage of our TM-7 Scrotum Smasher, driving:
--the waveshaping (pulser) and ring modulation functions of our TM-1, minus the ring-modulator carrier oscillator, which then drives;
--a VCO derived from our TM-3 (it is NOT intended for use as a synthesizer pitch source, only as a special effect for signal degradation), leading to;
--an all-new wide-sweeping bandpass filter, with envelope filter function plus wah capability (external pedal);
--plus an envelope follower, which also makes a gate signal;
--and a noise gate on the output, which is always active and is driven by said gate signal.
Plus relay-based true bypass for the main circuit, plus relay controlled activation of the VCO and pulser. Controllable with manual switches or external Fender-type amp footswitches.
Plus plenty of processing inputs and outputs for control voltages. No MIDI, dammit.
Only 8 knobs allow for vast ranges of distortion and effects, from subtle to flaming-enema. It's for those filthy, nutsack-sucking guitarists. Because they deserve, and love, flaming enemas.
Yes, you can plug your damn guitar into it, Yes, you can plug line-level sources into it. Yes you can run the output to a guitar amp or any mixer. Yes, all the inputs and outputs are compatible with modular synthesizers.
No, it's not sorta-kinda-like a Line 6 anything. No, it's not a tube-man version of a Digi-Tech or Boss any-damn-thing. No, for the ten-millionth time, it won't make you play like Steve Vai, ass-sucker. I'm getting really sick of feeding sarcasm to the geeks who own 40 bootleg Korn albums and read Guitar World with their lips moving. (They say things like "Dude, I bought them off a guy in the public toilet, he said they wuz real!") There's so many of them, and they are so brainless, I could type anything here and they'd never know or understand. One would think that after our TX-1 Agonizer, TX-2 Butt Probe, and TM-7 Scrotum Smasher, they would know better than to ask stupid questions. Feel free to gnaw the crust off my taint, Tiny Worm Guitar Dude. Jeff Beck is dead, and you're a fairy boy wearing pink satin panties and a matching bra. Your mother's penis is bigger than yours. And your father is a duckbill platypus. Have a nice day, scroad.
Specifications: Audio input accepts unbalanced guitar, microphone or line signals. Output 600 ohms unbalanced. 1/4" jacks for all I/O. Extra inputs: carrier audio input for ring modulator, CV inputs for VCO pitch and filter sweep. Extra outputs: envelope CV out, VCO waveform out, pulser waveform out. Frequency response: yes. Distortion: yee-haw. Filter sweep range: 12 kHz. Enclosed in rugged, moisture-resistant ABS utility box with hinged lid, carrying handle and latch. Size with lid closed 12.25"x7.4"x6.5" (314mmx186mmx168mm), weight (minus AC adapter) approx 2 lbs (1.4 kg). Power: 12 volts AC, 50/60 Hz, 1.5 amps. Uses Jameco 167151 AC adapter for power in 120v countries. Power inlet: 2.1mm coaxial jack.
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